These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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