Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
