Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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