Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
