just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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