i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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