you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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