3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Kiss
Puke
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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