I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
