its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
