I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize