if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
