Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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