I molested 6 butterflies tonight
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
