it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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