i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
