I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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