Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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