did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
