Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
