i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
