actually, I'm a sock model
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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