Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
