just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
