Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I had to cum in my sink.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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