so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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