Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
