I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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