My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
