Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize