you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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