We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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