I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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