Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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