At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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