Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
