Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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