Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
