Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
