I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize