i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
