Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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