did you get engaged???
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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