Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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