I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The adults are the big ones right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
