Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
