Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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