I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize