READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
