So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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