Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize