Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
