i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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