That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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