I want to make a zoo with you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
