I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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