Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize