You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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