There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
