i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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