They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
