Where is the hickey?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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