Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize