At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
worst night to have a conscience
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
