Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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