just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
