I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
