it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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