You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
