i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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