Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
