I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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