we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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