She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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