Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
