Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i wish my penis had a tongue
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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