No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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