ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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