i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
