We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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