if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
