jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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