I think im going to throw up on grandma
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize