What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
