you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize