I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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