I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
