Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
