How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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