She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
