I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
