I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
