Swine flu. Run for my life!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
